May 12
Spent my first mother’s day with you, your dad, the Robbins and Brothers clans up at the ranch. It was nice weather — much warmer than previous years. Our morning together was casual and relaxed, you and I sat in the glider chair and just had some sweet rocking and cuddling time.
Take a look —
some photos of our day together. The little girl pouring love on you is little Kaitlin, Amy and Dave’s youngest. Big news of the day, Kathy and Pat are expecting! Their three little guys, Brian, Mitchell and Colin managed to keep it a secret all day, until Kathy announced at the end of the day. Barbara is going to be a grandma again! Congrats Kathy and Pat, we’ll hang onto Taite’s hand-me-downs.
May 10
It’s hard to believe it was four months ago you were born. Four months of sweetTaiteness. This is the first in a series of reflections on the words Mark and I chose as your wall words. They are words that reflect the values we’d like to raise you with. The one I was drawn to first: “Love”
Sure, I felt love before you exploded with such joy into my life — but this love is distinctly different. Its a love I read described maybe best as “to have your heart walking around outside your body” (Elizabeth Stone, author).
I would do anything for you and not mind doing it. Not even getting out of bed every 2 hours to feed you in those first couple weeks. Not pulling muccous from your little nostrils with my fingers (even feeling such motherly success for having managed to get it out!). Not giving up my previous workaholic tendencies (ack, not to mention earning ability) to just sit and rock with you sleeping on my chest for hours and hours each day. I know this time is fleeting. And that’s what everyone tells me, older moms, grandmas, aunts in grocery stores… “Enjoy this time, they grow up so fast”.) Looking down at you sleeping in your crib before I go to bed every night…just checking on you and feeling that beating heart outside my body… ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump. You are mine. You are Mark’s. You are yourgrandmas’ and grandpas’ and aunts’ and uncle’s. You are the worlds. You are yourself. You will grow and you will experience love on your own. First it may be a game or activity you love that makes you laugh or leap in the air. Maybe it will be a hobby, a litttle friend, food (chocolate??), an instrument or a band, maybe a sport. One day you will be ‘grown up’ and you will love a boy for the first time and you will exclaim “It is NOT puppy love”… and you won’t have much time for mom or dad anymore. That heart outside my body will have balooned with its own autonomy … which is a good thing. But oh I can’t even imagine how hard it will be. Hopefully we have done a decent job and you will know how to love and how to be loved. you will recognize good healthy love and steer clear of codependence or neglect or any other unhealthy disguises of love. We will see our love for you and the love you see in us for one another blossom in your own heart. And we will be there again for you when you suffer your first broken heart, just like we will be there when you first skin your knee. And you will cry and maybe insist you will never love again and then of course in time you will. Then one day you will find that real lifelong love and maybe even one day, a long long time from now, experience the love of looking into the eyes of your own child.
But let’s not rush anything. For now, I am savoring the love of having you, my sweet girl, Taite, falling into a slumber nursing, sleeping in my arms, waking up with a big smiley grin, a twinkle in your eyes. This is love. Could there be anything more powerful?
